Elizabeth Hurley attended the Grey Goose Vodka and Elton John AIDS Foundation Launch Party last night. Wait, somebody threw a party that had two things I love in the same room: Hot old chicks and booze? Thanks for the invitation, Elton John. No, really, I didn’t want to donate this ridiculously huge check to your cause anyway. Okay, so maybe at your last event my check bounced and I shoved half the open bar in my tux. I still maintain that no one can prove I “goosed” Sharon Stone’s ass. Despite a videotape of me doing so and yelling “Goose-monster!” That tape was doctored. My pecs are way bigger and everyone knows I’m a boob man. (Note to self: Remove all Kim Kardashian posts. Proceed to laugh manically while rubbing hands together. Also, we’re out of Pop Tarts.)
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