Young Hollywood Celebrities

Sienna Miller’s character seems to have a cold in her new movie Hippie Hippie Shake. She also doesn’t seem to wear a bra. Sienna must be playing some sort of inspiring female role model that other women can look up to. Wait, of course! She’s Susan B. Anthony. I should’ve known. The nipple was a dead giveaway.

Christina Aguilera has yet to publicly confirm her pregnancy. Of course, she doesn’t really need to when she’s constantly photographed with an increasingly large belly, and, oh yeah, shopping for cribs. All that aside, seriously, what is the deal with her husband Jordan Bratman? I don’t get the point of this guy. It’s like she brings him along just to help her into the car. I bet afterwards she makes him ride in the trunk. Because what could these two possibly talk about? She’s a high-powered musical talent and he can probably recite the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy - in Elvish.

Jive Records is officially giving up on trying to get Britney Spears to promote her new album. They’re not even planning a tour despite her single “Gimme More” topping the charts. The label realizes that Britney doesn’t care and is apparently becoming fed up with her antics. NY Daily News reports:

“They can’t get Britney to do anything!” said a source close to the label and Spears. “They did get her to do one photo-shoot for some promotional materials, but beyond that, they can’t trust her to even show up. This album could’ve been so much bigger with Britney involved. This is the one opportunity they have to try and sell a million records. They were forced to [go on with] their marketing plan.”

Britney may not even care about the money as her estimated worth this year is near $100 million. Her activities in the press seem to emphasize a detachment with reality:

But her bizarre behavior was evident as recently as Sunday, when our spy found her looking confused as she wandered around the locker room of the Four Seasons Hotel in L.A. — wearing just a bikini bottom. When another woman asked her where the hotel pool was, Brit replied, “Oh, is there a pool here?”

You see what I did there? I started the day off with a scary story because it’s Halloween. I mean, c’mon, how frightening is that? You could be walking around, minding your own business and then “Bam!” topless Britney Spears! Eeeek! But don’t worry. Just tell her you work for Jive and want to take some promotional photos. She’ll shriek and vanish into the night. Presumably to Taco Bell. It’s where the Britney feeds waiting for her next vict – Hey, did you just see that? Was that a nipple? *sniffs* Hot sauce? I didn’t have Mexican… Look! Behind the couch. A stretch mark! AHHH!!

UPDATE: On his radio show this morning Ryan Seacrest managed to get Britney Spears on the phone and you can tell why Jive is fed up. Take a listen and, during the first few minutes, it almost sounds like Britney doesn’t even know she released an album yesterday. She does however know that she loves fried chicken. I’m as shocked as you are.

Mila Kunis attended the Family Guy 100th Episode party in Los Angeles Monday night. As the voice of Meg on the show, Mila is sadly heard but never seen. Which goes against the tried and true maxim for women to do just the opposite. I’m willing to let it slide though. Family Guy is hilarious. I mean, did you see that episode with the random 80’s pop culture reference? You know which one I’m talking about. Where Peter has the non sequitur flashblack. I guess you had to be there. And stoned. And also a cook at Applebee’s, but not for long, because you’re totally going back to college and finishing that degree.

Commissioner Scott Gordon has just issued his written ruling regarding the Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle. Kevin Federline will maintain custody of the children while Britney is only allowed three visits a week. Two from 12 to 7 PM and one overnight visit. A parenting coach is still required to be present. Britney is also required to provide evidence that her pool is child-proof. TMZ reports:

In the order, the Commish wrote that when Britney has the kids, “the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber with little communication at all.” The Commish also recounts what the parenting coach complained of — that “during all three of my visits, Ms. Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play.”

According to the report, the coach wrote, “It seems that [Britney’s] choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children.”

The coach also provided her final conclusion on Britney’s parenting:

“The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has [on] her children, nothing is going to be successful.”

Really? I thought the problem is that Britney Spears is a shitty mom who likes to show off her hoo-ha and drunkenly breast-feed her kids. But I guess we’ll go with what you said. About the consequences and stuff.

Ashley Olsen & Lance Armstrong?! (Popsugar)
When Does Sienna Miller Ever Cover Up? (Egotastic!)

Owen Wilson Is Dating Jessica Simpson? (Dlisted)
Amy Fisher Is A Porn Star (IDLYITW)

Britney’s Number 1 (Pink Is The New Blog)
Kelly Osbourne’s Boobs Get Into Mischief (City Rag)

Pregnant Nicole Richie Is Not a Smoker (Hollywood Rag)
Christina Aguilera: More Baby Store Shopping! (Just Jared)

Alessandra Ambrosio Hotness Overload (The Bastardly)
The Lohans Pretend To Be A Family (ASL)

Is Angelina Jolie Still Hot? (Flynet)
Ashlee Simpson Now 23 Years Untalented (MollyGood)

Britney Spears See-Through Top? (The Grumpiest)
Lindsay Lohan Is Out (I’m Not Obsessed)

Melissa George Is Sexy In Arena Magazine (ICYDK)

Jessica Biel Sporting A See-Through Shirt In LA

Jessica Alba Won’t Get Naked?!

Tuna’s Back Catalogue
Gisele Bundchen Bikini Pictures
Mena Suvari Bikini Pictures
Jennifer Aniston Has Style… And Pokies
Vida Guerra King Magazine Pictures

Brody Jenner is the unemployed 25-year-old son of Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner. He also occassionally pops up on MTV’s The Hills as a love interest for Lauren Conrad. While some of his co-stars have assistants, Brody has his mom, according to Page Six:

“Brody’s mom RSVP’s for him to parties,” said our source. “She called on his behalf for the L.A. Confidential Hypnotiq Halloween party Tuesday night.”

I would comment on Brody Jenner’s lameness, but, knowing what I know about The Hills, I’m 90% positive that he doesn’t even exist. In fact, I’m convinced the only person on The Hills that isn’t a fictional character is Heidi Montag. Not because she has giant boobs but, you know, because she has giant boobs.

NOTE: It’s scientifically impossible to talk about The Hills and not include pictures of Heidi Montag in a bikini. I hear there’s some people at NASA working on it, but as of yet no dice.

David Beckham is quashing rumors that Tom Cruise is trying to convert him to Scientology. The two have been close friends since David and his wife Victoria Beckham moved to Los Angeles where Tom and Katie threw a lavish party upon their arrival. The Daily Mail reports:

“We respect their religion. We respect everything they do and believe in.
“But they have never turned around to us and said, ‘You have to be a part of this’, because that’s not what they’re about. It’s never been about that. “There’s been nothing shoved down our throats because friends don’t do things like that.”

One thing these two friends do like is practical jokes. I heard the other day that David Beckham was taking a shower, and, when he picked up a bottle of shampoo, Tom Cruise was behind it giggling like a schoolgirl! The two shared a laugh until Victoria got in the shower. Then Tom started crying and threw a pot of gold at her before disappearing in a “poof” of pixie dust. True story.

Here’s another one of those dirty Got Milk? ads featuring cutie Amanda Bynes. The ad reads:

Now I guess the butterfly on Amanda Bynes’s nose symbolizes metamorphosis, but because I never graduated high school, I don’t even know what that is. I think it’s a biological process by which an animal physically develops after birth or hatching, involving a conspicuous and relatively abrupt change in the animal’s form or structure through cell growth and differentiation. Some insects, amphibians, molluscs, crustaceans, cnidarians, echinoderms and tunicates undergo metamorphosis, which is usually (but not always) accompanied by a change of habitat or behaviour. But that’s just a guess.

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Amanda Bynes Has Something To Sell
Anna Faris Got Nice Cheeks
April Scott At The Dukes Of Hazzard Release Party
Angelina Jolie Looking Sexy At Ocean’s Thirteen Premiere

During her mid-30’s, Madonna’s biological clock started ticking and she was desperate to have children. According to a new book released today “Madonna: Like an Icon”, she almost let the late rapper Tupac Shakur bust a kid up in there. NY Daily News reports:

The singer’s friend Alison Clarkson recalls when she was briefly dating Tupac Shakur, one year before his death.
“She was going out with him … but homegirls were saying to him, ‘I can’t believe you’re going out with a white girl,’” - so she got dumped!

Why does it have to be about race all the time? Maybe Tupac, being the forward thinker that he was, just liked vagina. Regardless of skin color. Did anyone think of that? I believe there’s a saying, “We’re all gray in the dark.” Except for the freaky pale Irish. They tend to glow.